Posted by: The Lazy Admin | January 13, 2012

Apparently I’ve grown. Thbbft.

I’ve been having some big “WTF” moments recently where suddenly I’m thrown backwards from my life, and looking at it all invokes a sense of awe and mystery.  It doesn’t help to realize my birthday’s approaching again and soon I go wandering through my head, contemplating life, humanity, and experience.

I reflect on my life a lot.  Daily almost.  The series of events that led to who I am at this point in my life couldn’t have even been designed by Rube Goldberg.  It’s when I start really digging deep and remembering events and people from the most chaotic period of my life (mostly the college years) that I start feeling like Bill the Cat of Bloom County fame.

Oooh baby.

Maybe not quite like this Bill. But close.

Everyone I’ve met has changed me in some way.  Some good ways, but there are some bad ways.  I’m nowhere near the nice person I think I used to be, but maybe that’s not totally because of the people.  I digress.

I’ve got a better sense of humor about things, developed some tolerance for certain things and a complete intolerance for other things.  One thing that surprises me is when I think about the women I’ve dated in the past (especially in college) and some interesting trends start to appear.  It starts making me go slack-jawed and then “thbbft”.

The evolution of relationships that led to me marrying my wife reads almost like a series of unfortunate events.  I took away a little bit of important knowledge from each one and a realization of what works for me and what doesn’t.  That’s how it works, right?

I dated one girl who was really into me but was then led astray by a guy who, as she found out, only wanted to get her in bed.  When she realized her mistake she felt like she should tell me she ditched him. I guess she had hoped for reconciliation, but I was done with that.  There was the girl who confided in her best friend she “hoped she could find a guy just like” me when she was ready to settle down.  Imagine my surprise when I learned I had all the qualifications for the position, but apparently didn’t submit an application or something.  Or maybe she was just broken from a previous bad experience.

Don't try to propose to your girlfriend with this.

Not quite the "round, shiny" object someone was led to expect for Christmas apparently. I was not the douchebag in question.

There was the freshman virgin who’s legs apparently spread like peanut butter and the whole campus was loaf bread, and who can forget the the extended stay in CrazyTown that was ‘dating She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’ (but now has at least one suicide credited to her and at least a half dozen broken men in her wake.  You go girl.)   Maybe I’ll start referring to her as Volde-whore.

"Let's watch Will and Grace and listen to Tori Amos. Not like you have any balls anyway."

There was the rape victim, the abuse victim, the nympho, the party girl, the girl with too many guy friends, and at least one or two other scary people I’ve apparently blocked out.  The pattern though?  Once I hit that pocket of mentally ill or otherwise broken set, the severity eventually started decreasing.  Now I’m married to an amazing woman who, despite her flaws, is the best thing that’ll ever happen to me.  Thbbft!


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